The Proximity Principle

Let me tell you something that’s going to sting a little:

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And if you’re not where you want to be financially, professionally, or personally, it’s because those five people aren’t where you need them to be either.

I know. That sounds harsh. Maybe even elitist.

But here’s the thing: proximity matters. The people in your orbit shape your thinking, your standards, your expectations, and ultimately, your results.

If you’re surrounded by people who think $100K a year is “making it,” you’ll plateau at $100K. If you’re surrounded by people who think working 60-hour weeks is a badge of honor, you’ll grind yourself into dust chasing that same badge.

Your network isn’t neutral. It’s either pulling you up or dragging you down.

And if you’re honest with yourself, you already know which direction it’s going.

Today, I’m going to show you how to audit your network, strategically upgrade your proximity, and build relationships with people who operate at the level you’re trying to reach.

This isn’t about being fake. It’s not about using people. It’s about being intentional with the most valuable resource you have: your time and attention.

Let’s get to work.

Before you can fix your network, you need to see it clearly.

Most guys have never actually looked at who they’re spending time with and asked the hard question: “Is this relationship helping me or holding me back?”

So here’s what we’re doing right now.

Pull out a piece of paper or open a note on your phone. Write down the names of the ten people you’ve spent the most time with in the last 30 days.

Not the people you want to spend time with. Not the people you admire from a distance. The people you’ve actually been in proximity to—calls, meetings, dinners, text threads, DMs.

Got your list?

Now answer these questions for each person:

Question One: Does this person challenge me to think bigger?

Do they ask hard questions? Do they push you to see possibilities you’re not seeing? Or do they confirm your excuses and validate your limitations?

Question Two: Does this person operate at a level I’m trying to reach?

Are they doing things you want to do? Have they solved problems you’re trying to solve? Or are they stuck in the same place you are, complaining about the same things?

Question Three: Do I feel energized or drained after spending time with this person?

Energy is a tell. If you finish a conversation feeling motivated, inspired, or clear-headed, that’s a good sign. If you finish feeling exhausted, frustrated, or mentally foggy, that’s a red flag.

Question Four: Is this relationship reciprocal?

Are you both bringing value to the table? Or is it one-sided—either you’re always giving, or you’re always taking?

Healthy relationships are built on mutual benefit. If the balance is off, something needs to change.

Now look at your answers.

If more than half of your top ten relationships are draining you, validating mediocrity, or keeping you stuck, you’ve got a proximity problem.

And proximity problems lead to income problems. Every single time.

Here’s a framework I use to categorize relationships. It’s simple, but it’s brutal in its honesty.

Every person in your network falls into one of three buckets:

Bucket One: Lifters

These are people who make you better just by being around them. They challenge your thinking. They introduce you to opportunities. They hold you to a higher standard.

Lifters don’t tolerate excuses. They don’t coddle you. They expect excellence and they model it in their own lives.

When you spend time with a Lifter, you leave the conversation with new ideas, new energy, and a clearer sense of what’s possible.

Bucket Two: Levelers

These are people who operate at roughly the same level you do. They’re not pulling you up, but they’re not dragging you down either.

Levelers are neutral. They’re fine to be around, but they’re not moving the needle.

Most of your network is probably Levelers. And that’s okay—as long as they’re not the only people in your network.

Bucket Three: Leeches

These are people who drain your time, energy, and focus without giving anything back.

Leeches are always in crisis mode. They want your advice but never take it. They complain endlessly but refuse to change. They need something from you, but they’ve got nothing to offer in return.

Leeches are toxic. And the longer you keep them around, the more they’ll cost you.

Now go back to your list of ten and categorize each person: Lifter, Leveler, or Leech.

Here’s the goal: 50% Lifters, 40% Levelers, 10% Leeches (or less).

If your ratio is inverted—mostly Leeches and Levelers with one or two Lifters—you’re in trouble. And your results reflect it.

Alright, so you’ve audited your network and you’ve realized you need better people in your orbit.

Now what?

Here’s the hard truth: You can’t just will yourself into proximity with high-level people. You have to earn it.

Nobody wakes up and says, “You know what? I’m going to spend my valuable time with someone who has nothing to offer and just wants to pick my brain.”

If you want access to people who are operating at a higher level, you need to bring value to the table.

Here’s how.

Strategy One: Solve a Problem They Have

High-performers have problems just like everyone else. The difference is, their problems are higher-level.

Find out what they’re struggling with and offer to help—for free, at first.

Maybe they need introductions. Maybe they need research done. Maybe they need someone to handle a tactical project they don’t have time for.

Offer to do it. Do it exceptionally well. Don’t ask for anything in return.

Once you’ve proven you can deliver value, the relationship shifts. You’re no longer the person asking for something. You’re the person who gets things done.

That’s when proximity happens.

Strategy Two: Show Up Where They Are

You can’t build relationships from your couch.

If you want proximity to high-level people, you need to be in the rooms they’re in.

Go to the conferences they attend. Join the masterminds they’re part of. Invest in the programs they run.

Yes, this costs money. Sometimes a lot of money.

But here’s the return: You get face time with people who would never respond to a cold LinkedIn message. You get to observe how they think, how they operate, how they approach problems.

And if you show up prepared, contribute value, and follow up intelligently, you turn those brief interactions into real relationships.

I’ve built six-figure partnerships from 15-minute conversations at events. It works. But only if you’re strategic about it.

Strategy Three: Build in Public

This one’s underrated.

If you’re creating content, building products, or sharing your process publicly, you’re giving high-level people a reason to notice you.

They see you’re serious. They see you’re competent. They see you’re not just talking—you’re executing.

And when they reach out to you (which they will, if your work is good enough), the dynamic is different. You’re not chasing them. They’re coming to you.

That’s the ultimate proximity hack: Make yourself so undeniably valuable that the right people seek you out.

Here’s a tactical exercise I do once a year, and it’s transformed my business every single time.

I call it the Five-Person Swap.

Here’s how it works:

Step One: Identify the five people you’re currently spending the most time with.

Step Two: Identify five people you wish you were spending time with. These are people who are 2-3 levels ahead of where you are now.

Step Three: Over the next 90 days, systematically reduce time with the first group and increase proximity with the second group.

This doesn’t mean you ghost your friends. It just means you’re more intentional about where your time and energy go.

Cut back on the group chats that go nowhere. Say no to the networking events that are just social hours with no ROI. Stop taking calls with people who want to “pick your brain” but have nothing to offer.

Redirect that time toward building relationships with people who can actually move your life forward.

I did this three years ago and within six months, I had closed two consulting deals worth $80K combined, joined a mastermind that changed how I think about business, and met the guy who became my business partner.

All because I swapped proximity.

Your network is your net worth. Act like it.

Okay, so you’ve upgraded your proximity. You’re now in the room with people who are operating at a higher level.

Here’s the next challenge: keeping those relationships alive.

High-performers don’t have time for surface-level nonsense. If you want to stay in their orbit, you need to be valuable, consistent, and low-maintenance.

Here’s my playbook:

Rule One: Always Bring Value

Every interaction should leave them better off than before.

Send them an article they’d find useful. Introduce them to someone who can help them. Share an insight from a conversation you had that might apply to their situation.

Don’t reach out just to “check in.” That’s code for “I want something but I’m pretending I don’t.”

Reach out with something specific and valuable. Every single time.

Rule Two: Respect Their Time

Don’t ask for 60-minute Zoom calls when a 15-minute call or a voice note will do.

Don’t send vague messages like “Can I get your thoughts on something?” Be specific. Be clear. Make it easy for them to help you.

The easier you make it for someone to engage with you, the more likely they are to do it.

Rule Three: Follow Up and Follow Through

If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you say you’ll send something, send it.

High-performers are surrounded by people who overpromise and underdeliver. If you’re the person who actually follows through, you become rare. And rare is valuable.

Rule Four: Give Before You Ask

This is the golden rule of relationship capital.

You can’t make withdrawals if you haven’t made deposits.

Spend six months bringing value before you ask for a favor. Introduce them to three people before you ask for an introduction. Solve two of their problems before you pitch them on working together.

Build the account. Then, when you need something, you’ve got the capital to spend.

Here’s the thing about proximity:

It doesn’t pay off overnight.

You’re not going to join a mastermind and walk out with a million-dollar deal. You’re not going to send one valuable email and suddenly become best friends with someone you admire.

This is a long game. You’re planting seeds. Some of them will take months or years to bear fruit.

But when they do? The ROI is insane.

The business partner I mentioned earlier? I met him at an event in 2021. We stayed in touch. I helped him with a couple of projects. He introduced me to a few people. We built trust slowly.

Two years later, we launched a company together that did $300K in its first year.

That doesn’t happen if I’m impatient. That doesn’t happen if I’m transactional. That doesn’t happen if I’m only thinking about what I can get.

Proximity is a long-term investment in the quality of your network. Treat it like one.

When you get proximity right, everything changes.

You stop grinding in isolation and start collaborating with people who make you better.

You stop chasing opportunities and start getting opportunities handed to you.

You stop feeling stuck and start seeing what’s actually possible when you’re in the right rooms with the right people.

Your network is the single most valuable asset you have. It’s more valuable than your skills, your resume, or your bank account.

Treat it like the strategic asset it is.

Audit it. Upgrade it. Protect it.

And watch what happens when you’re surrounded by people who refuse to let you stay small.

Ready to Build a World-Class Network?

If you want the full system for identifying, approaching, and building relationships with high-level people, reply with PROXIMITY and I’ll send you our Elite Network Building Blueprint. It’s the exact playbook I’ve used to build a network worth millions.

Affiliate Recommendation:

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Stay sharp,
Marcus Cole
Refined. Relentless. Unapologetic.